


You Have Heart

by Soprano



Series: My Kingdom For... [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-17 07:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2300771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soprano/pseuds/Soprano
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[<a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/1573892">Previously</a><a></a>: In a world with no Bruce Banner, Loki's attack on Earth was successful. However, the new king is not happy with his position and ends up surrendering to the Avengers, expecting to be imprisoned or executed. Instead, he is given a second chance, as Tony Stark vouches for him, and the Avengers accept Loki into their ranks. While at first no one really trusts him, he soon proves that his intentions are genuine. Meanwhile, his relationship with Stark blossoms into a romance.]<br/>All would be well, if not for Loki's past catching up with him. Memories of a traumatic experience threaten not only to ruin Loki's career as an Avenger, but to fracture his very mind.</p><p>_________________<br/>Trigger warnings: PTSD, panic attacks, vague allusion to past torture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place approximately a year and a half after the events of [The Only Thing Worth Anything](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1573892)  
> If you want to read this part but not the first one, [here](http://faithsoprano.tumblr.com/post/97420708274/you-have-heart-fandom-mcu-marvel-pairing) is a list of facts from the first part that will make reading this part easier. Or just leave me a message, I'll answer any questions.

A giant, fire-breathing robot made its way through the streets of Newark. Trampling everything in its path, setting things on fire here and there, destroying property and threatening lives.  
“You got anything for us, Tony?” Black Widow's voice demanded through the coms as she evacuated kids from a nearby school.  
“Have you guys seen _Short Circuit_?” Iron Man hovered above the robot.  
“I have not.” Thor admitted. “Is it important?”  
“To the point, Stark.” Hawkeye barked, aiming an arrow at the robot, waiting for instruction.  
“Well,” Tony tried to sound confident, “this thing is shielded 17 ways to Sunday, but I think I have an idea. We need to get it someplace relatively deserted though. It might blow.”  
“Hello.” Loki flew up in front of the robot, surrounded by green vapors of his magic. “If you would kindly follow me?” He blasted the robot with energy balls a few times, until the mechanical creature finally gave him its undivided attention. It retaliated with fireballs. Loki dodged. He lead the robot toward an open field, where whatever Stark had in mind could be carried out without hurting anyone or destroying buildings.  
But before they could reach their destination, the robot pulled another secret out of its sleeve and shot several dozen sharp, heated metal rods at Loki. They were bent at right angles and reminded staples. The thing literally tried to staple Loki to a wall. Sadly, it succeeded.  
He dodged or deflected most of the staples, but 3 of them found their mark – 1 wrapped itself around his ankle, 1 around his upper arm, and one ripped through his clothes before digging into the wall behind him. He wasn't particularly hurt, but the sudden pressure and immobilization were disorienting.  
The robot approached Loki, lit up its fire canons and walked toward the trickster with a clear intention of incinerating him. Once Loki refocused, he let out an annoyed grunt, and started pulling out the staple from around his arm. None of this was really that big of a deal. But then he looked at the robot, saw its fire-coated frame approaching him and...something happened. Suddenly, he felt sick, his body went limp and his heart started beating at an insane pace. He couldn't breathe or move. Meanwhile, the robot was aiming a fire canon at his head.  
Iron Man swooped in, covering Loki with his suit, opening up every flap to create a shield.  
“I really miss Rescue sometimes, she had great shields.” he mumbled as the fire formed a cocoon around him and Loki. “Why did Pepper have to go and become the president?” He then yelled into the coms. “Could someone distract this thing? I'm fire-proof, but not _that_ fire-proof.”  
A clank of Mjolnir against metal reverberated off the nearby buildings. The robot turned and stomped off to pursue other enemies, while Tony unstapled Loki off the wall. He removed the metal bond around Loki's ankle easily. It was only once Tony was face-to-face with Loki that he realized that something was truly wrong. Loki was pale and...terrified.  
“Sir...” JARVIS called for Stark's attention. “There are some unusual readings.”  
Information appeared on the screen inside Tony's helmet. Loki's heart rate was through the roof, his body temperature was off, he was hyperventilating.  
“I'm sorry.” Loki said quietly.  
“Guys,” Tony addressed the team, “Loki is...incapacitated. I need to take him somewhere safe.” He battled a surge of fear as Loki collapsed into his arms. “There's a panel in the back of the robot's...neck area. You need to overload that with an electrical pulse. In theory, that should kill it, at least temporarily.”  
“In theory?” Barton huffed with unmasked irritation.  
“You have a better idea, feather boy? Be my guest.”  
Tony carefully carried Loki away, into a parking garage, where he hoped they'd be safe. As soon as Loki was seated on the concrete floor, Tony exited the suit.  
“You should stay suited up.” Loki protested weakly. “It's safer.”  
“I'll be fine. What the hell is going on with you?”  
Loki was starting to feel better, but then he thought of the robot, and an involuntary grunt escaped his throat. A rush of memories of fire and pain flooded his mind, he felt sick again.  
“I don't...” He tried to speak, but words caught in his throat and he felt like he was suffocating.  
“Fuck this, I'm taking you home.” Tony reentered his suit, picked Loki up bridal style and carried him to Stark Tower. “JARVIS, tell the medical staff to be ready.” 

Meanwhile, the rest of the Avengers were still battling the robot.  
“Thor,” Widow was giving out orders, “if all else fails, I want you to blast the robot with lightning. But only as a last resort. Let's try to keep collateral to a minimum.” She checked the magazines in her guns. They were mostly useless against the robot, but it was comforting to be at least moderately armed in the face of such a threat. “Hawkeye, do you have a clear shot?”  
“Working on it.” He looked around, trying to figure out the best place from which to take aim. “Is Stark coming back? I could really use a lift.”  
“I will assist.” Thor started spinning Mjolnir to take flight.  
“Be careful, Thor.” Natasha said sternly. “We only have one of Hawkeye.”  
“I'm not that fragile, Nat.”  
“Neither was Cap. I'm not taking any chances on safety.”  
Once Barton was in position and the robot was in a relatively clear area, he took a shot, launching one of his trick arrows at the panel Tony had specified. The arrow landed exactly where intended and let out a bolt of electricity right into the robot's weak spot.  
The electricity spread around the robot's frame, coating it like a web, until the robot froze, standing still like a statue, quiet and unmoving.  
“Is it dead?” Barton asked hopefully.  
“Stand by, Stark said it could blow.” Widow watched the robot carefully. She was only a few dozen feet away, prepared to call in a containment team.  
A few minutes passed in an uneasy silence. Then a loud noise coming from the robot's direction made everyone take a step back. Parts of the robot's outer shielding started falling off like old skin off a snake. Mere moment later, a smaller version of the robot stood before them, and it was slowly mobilizing itself into action.  
“Did...did it just birth a mini-me?” Barton sought out Black Widow with his eyes. “Nat, what are you doing?”  
She was running at the robot at full speed. Her guns were holstered, but her stingers were on the ready. She jumped onto the smaller robot's back, quickly climbed up to its head and zapped it with her signature electro-shockers. The robot wobbled slightly, its guns lowered and it crumbled to the ground.  
“I just figured,” Widow explained, “it might have the same kind of kill-panel the bigger version had.”  
“And if it didn't?” Clint asked.  
“I'd think of something.” She smiled and pulled out her transceiver to call in a clean-up team. “We have some dead robots for you to pick up.”

***

“Physically, there's nothing wrong with you.” The doctor put away her tools after examining Loki. “I would assess that you suffered a panic attack. Has that ever happened before?”  
“No. I mean...I don't think so.”  
“Have you had issues with memory loss?”  
“Would I remember if I did?”  
“Maybe. Maybe not. You could have gaps in your memory.”  
“Well, it's easy to remember everything when you've only lived a few decades.” Loki scowled. “Try living a millennium, then you can talk to me about memory gaps.”  
“Fair enough.” The doctor was completely unfazed by Loki's outburst. She specialized in treating superpowered creatures, mutants, extraterrestrials. She was used to a bit of elitist condescension here and there. People in the face of illness protected themselves whichever way they could. “As of right now, you're fine. But if you have recurring episodes, I would advise seeing a mental health professional. People in your line of work often suffer from emotional trauma. Remember to take care of yourself. You can't help others if you don't help yourself first.”  
For a moment Loki felt like protesting, maybe feeling insulted by the implication that he needed mental help, but after the initial shock subsided, he only nodded in response.  
When the doctor left, Tony and Loki went up to their floor. Loki remained silent as he undressed and went into the shower. Tony followed without saying a word. They showered and crawled into bed. Finally Loki spoke.  
“Did they beat the robot?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Is everyone okay?”  
“Yeah.”  
Loki rolled onto his side, nudging Tony to embrace him. He pressed his face against Tony's chest and wrapped his arms around his back. They lay like that for a long time, until Loki fell asleep. His breathing evened out and his grip on Tony's back finally loosened. Tony tried to sleep, but couldn't. So he just watched Loki for a few minutes. Then he carefully crawled out of bed, making sure that his lover was still asleep and comfortable, and walked out into the living room.  
“JARVIS...” he whispered, staring out the window, over the electrical masterpiece of the city's night skyline.  
“Yes, sir?” his assistant responded in lowered volume.  
“Give me everything you can find on post-traumatic stress disorder.”


	2. Chapter 2

Loki woke up alone. He was quite used to that. Tony constantly stayed up too late or woke up in the middle of the night to go and build something or take something apart. But sometimes Loki still felt a little lonely when he woke up in a half-empty bed. Yet before he could start feeling sorry for himself, Tony entered with a tray full of the trickster's favorite breakfast foods and drinks.  
“Breakfast in bed? Really?”  
“It's not every day you get stapled to a wall.”  
“Is that what it takes? I should do that more often.” Loki shoved a pancake into his mouth. “Oh! Did you feed Luci?”  
“Yeah, don't worry, she's fine. Happily dropping holographic poop all over my stuff.”  
Luci, Loki's holographic pet bird, had recently taken to marking Tony's personal belongings.  
“She's just trying to attract your attention.”  
“By shitting on my phone?”  
“It's working, isn't it?” Loki stretched out his arm, encouraging Tony to sit down on the bed next to him. He sighed. “I know you want to talk about what happened yesterday, but I'm not sure if that's such a good idea.”  
“Why not?”  
“It's a one-time occurrence. I don't want unnecessary drama over something that might never happen again.”  
Tony took a moment to contemplate. He nodded. He wanted to say that it still needed to be addressed. He wanted to say that if it does happen again, next time the outcome might be worse. But he didn't. Because as much as he wanted to help, helping Loki against his will or forcing him to face something he obviously wasn't ready to face was not something he ever intended to do. Instead he stole a blueberry from Loki's plate.  
“The robot damaged a few buildings in Newark.”  
“I'll get right on that. I mean, after I finish this.” He stabbed his fruit salad with a fork. “So, what was that robot doing there anyway?”  
“Escaped prototype. It's AIM, apparently.”  
“The...ah, tech terrorists?”  
“They want to take over the world. With technology. I almost feel personally insulted.”  
“You should. They're like a cheap knock-off of you. With more evil ambition, but less talent. They're what you'd be if you were a villain. Except you'd succeed.”  
“I'm flattered that you have so much faith in my hypothetical villain career.”  
“Midgard really is lucky that you're on the side of good.”  
“Ditto.” 

Loki spent the next few days restoring buildings the robot had damaged. Tony took apart and examined what was left of AIM's prototype. It was as though nothing wrong had happened.  
Loki lay in bed trying to fall asleep. He stared at Luci who slept in her little nest on his bedside table. She liked sleeping near him. It wasn't common for birds. But then, she wasn't a common bird.  
He crawled out of bed, pulled on some clothes and went out into the living room.  
“JARVIS, where's Tony?”  
“On the 3rd Research&Development floor, sir.”  
“Thanks.”  
He entered the elevator and went up to the 3rd R&D floor. The elevators in the building no longer opened right into the floor. Tony had doors installed on the floors with personal living areas, and had little foyers build on the lab floors. Loki buzzed the intercom.  
“It's me.” He entered as the doors slid open. “Sorry, I couldn't sleep.”  
Tony was building some sort of vehicle.  
“No problem, want to participate?” Tony wasn't much of a team player, he preferred to work alone. But he made an exception for Loki.  
“What are you building?”  
“Electrical car.”  
“Don't they already have like 5 of those on the market?”  
“Mine will be better. Obviously. Cheaper too, I hope.”  
“What can I do?”  
“Bend these,” the inventor handed Loki some metal planks, “into this shape.” he indicated the desired end product on a holographic projection. “No magic.”  
“Why not?”  
“It just feels like...cheating.”  
“Isn't it cheating that I can bend metal with my bare hands?”  
“That's just your natural strength.”  
“Magic is natural for me.”  
Tony sighed.  
“I know. It's just...this is my project and I want it to be pure tech, okay?”  
Loki nodded. Every once in a while they would argue about whether or not magic was an acceptable form of scientific progress. Tony knew that Loki had a point in that most of what he could do was merely a more advanced form of science that only seemed mystical because of how unfathomable it was to most humans, but he couldn't shake the visceral distrust for magic anyway. Loki tried to reassure Tony and educate him on the way his magic worked, hoping that if Tony understood the mechanics, his fear would go away. But for now, Loki learned to respect Tony's feelings about magic, whether or not he thought they were silly and unfounded.  
“Are you ever scared?” Loki asked while bending the metal planks into the specified shapes. “When you're fighting villains, I mean.”  
“All the time.” Tony responded without looking up. “I don't think there's anything wrong with being scared. Anyone who has no fear would die very quickly in battle.” He looked up to see Loki nodding slightly. “I think it's all about how much fear you have. There is a point at which you just have to stop.”  
“How do you tell where that point is?”  
Tony paused, twirling a screwdriver between his fingers.  
“I don't know. Maybe if you still have to question whether that point has arrived, then it probably hasn't arrived yet. But then again, if you even have that question at all, then clearly that point is way closer than it should be.”  
“That's not helpful at all.”  
“I know.”  
Loki handed a heap of metal figures to Tony. He watched as the inventor put a bunch of seemingly random bits together to form something that looked like an actual car part.  
“How much longer do you think you'll be here tonight?” Loki watched Tony's hands, looking as though he was in some sort of sad trance.  
Tony looked up, kept his eyes on Loki for a few moments, then put his tools away.  
“I'm done. Let's go to sleep.” 

It wasn't that night, it was the next that Loki had his first recurring nightmare. He didn't even understand it at first, didn't even remember it as he woke up covered in sweat and feeling as though his chest was going to explode. Tony felt helpless. This was so outside of his area of expertise, all he could do was hold Loki and hope that somehow this would all get fixed. Except he knew, of course, things rarely got fixed by themselves. He wanted desperately to help, to do something, anything. But he didn't even know where to start, nor whether his assistance would even be welcome. He wanted to scream with how useless he felt, which only made him more certain that as soon as Loki was ready and willing to deal with whatever was happening, he would be there and he would do everything in his power to help, and then some.


	3. Chapter 3

“Why is it always stuff like this?” Tony snarked through the coms, launching several mini-missiles at a malfunctioning battle droid. “Why does no one want us to rescue kittens from trees? Why do they only call us when it's some giant metal monstrosity threatening to level a city?”  
“I rescued a kitten last week.” Clint responded. “It's just you, Stark. No one wants a dude in heavy armor to handle their kittens.”  
“I'd like to see you respond to a call about an escaped kitten, Tony.” Natasha said sarcastically as she shot the droid in the face, ridding it of its right eye. “It would look like a cheap photo-op. 'Billionaire Tony Stark saves a kitten from a tree'. It's not even a good PR move, no one would buy it.”  
“Besides, you're allergic to cats.” Loki reminded, knocking the droid's head off with his sword.  
“Fine, fine. Forget I said anything.” Tony landed next to the droid and started scanning it for signs of activity. “Okay, I think it's out. Let's take it home.”  
“No.” Widow said firmly. “This is government property. They want it back.”  
“So, they called us in to clean up their mess, but they don't want to share the toys?”  
“Pretty much.”  
“Can I at least take the head?” Tony picked up the droid's severed skull.  
Widow sighed and stared at Tony until he dropped the head with a disgruntled noise, but not before placing one of his bugs inside it.  
They waited until SHIELD agents arrived to retrieve the droid remains. Then they returned to Stark Tower to celebrate a successful battle.  
They were all on the floor that was their designated hang-out area. Thor was rapidly getting drunk, Natasha sipped a soda, sitting on the couch and watching everyone else, Tony was studying the readings on the droid that he recorded during the fight, Clint was cooking something.  
“I didn't know you could cook.” Loki entered the kitchen area with a drink in his hand.  
“I had a deep-cover mission back when I worked for SHIELD.” Clint flipped vegetables with a spatula. “Had to live in a shack for 3 months. There was a garden and a closet full of non-perishables. It was either learning to cook or eating beans out of a can and tomatoes off the bush. I actually did the latter for a while. But I got bored.”  
“Boredom can be a magnificent motivator.”  
“It sure can.” Clint's face crept into something akin to a half-smile. He was concentrated on his cooking, but Loki knew he was watching him out of the corners of his eyes. Always. After all this time, Clint still didn't really trust Loki. Probably never would. Loki didn't blame him. “Hey, Tony!” Clint examined one of the bottles of whiskey that stood around the kitchen. “Can I use this?”  
“Sure!” Tony smiled. “It's only a 23-year-old bourbon, $900 a bottle, go ahead, pour that into your veggies.”  
Clint ignored the sarcasm and chose to concentrate on the 'sure', sprinkling the bourbon vigorously over the pan. The meal caught fire, making everyone in close proximity let out a surprised gasp.  
“Is it supposed to do that?” Thor was thoroughly amused.  
“Ah...yeah, sure. Sometimes.” Clint went on cooking, with Thor happily watching as if it were a spectacle.  
And no one seemed to notice that Loki was hunched over the counter, breathing heavily and covered in sweat. He felt like his legs would give out. His mind was again filled with painful memories that he'd thought were buried forever.  
He carefully moved toward the elevator, seeking solitude. When he reached the small sanctuary, he locked himself in, blocking the doors to make sure no one would enter. Then he slid down the wall and landed on the floor in a miserable heap. He wanted to cry but couldn't. He couldn't stop hyperventilating, and his heart was beating at an alarming pace.  
He didn't know how much time had passed before he heard a knock on the elevator doors.  
“Loki...” It was Tony. “Let me in?” He waited patiently outside. Loki wasn't sure whether he wanted to let Tony in. He wanted his comfort, but for some reason he also wanted isolation. It's not as though Tony hadn't seen him at his low points, and yet he felt like being exposed in such a vulnerable state was something he didn't want Tony to witness. He was afraid that Tony would lose respect for him, that he would somehow become less attractive after being seen like this. He wasn't even sure any of it made sense, but it only put more pressure on him, making him feel even worse. Tony's muffled voice fought through the metal barrier again. “I can override the door block, but I'd rather you let me in yourself.”  
Finally, Loki unblocked the doors, realizing that sooner or later he would have to or else Tony would be forced to enter simply to make sure he was okay.  
Upon entering, Tony immediately locked the doors behind him and sat down on the floor next to Loki.  
“Look at me?” Tony requested in an almost begging voice. But Loki couldn't. He physically could not raise his eyes. So, Tony switched tactics. “Give me your hands.” He took Loki's hands in his. “Okay, I'm going to count to assist your breathing. Breathe in – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, now breathe out – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.” Tony continued to count, Loki followed the instruction. After several rounds, Loki's breathing finally normalized, and his heart rate went down a bit. Tony wrapped his arms around Loki and squeezed. Not just to provide comfort, but because according to his research, this was supposed to balance the nervous system, providing a soothing effect and encouraging release of oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin. He hoped it would work. As much as Tony did everything he could to prepare for Loki's inevitable panic attacks, it was hard to know what would work. Not only was everyone different, Loki...he was really different. He wasn't human, his biology was something no human doctor could truly understand, and though Tony would undoubtedly be willing to, he couldn't exactly pop into Asgard and ask their healers about how gods handled PTSD. They probably didn't. More likely, they covered it with layers of bravado and pretended it wasn't there, making absolutely sure that no one would ever know that something was wrong.  
Loki finally started crying. Tony held him silently.  
“JARVIS,” he said quietly after Loki's sobs subsided, “take us up to our floor.”  
The elevator moved up, delivering the men to their living quarters.  
Tony had every intention of carrying Loki to bed, even if it gave him a hernia, but Loki lifted himself off the floor before Tony could even offer his assistance.  
They went straight to bed. Loki didn't think he could sleep, but his body was exhausted, and before he knew it, he was in dreamland, with Tony holding him and hoping nightmares wouldn't enter his mind.  
Tony's phone pinged from the bedside table. There was a text from Natasha.  
_'What's wrong with Loki?'_  
Of course she noticed. It was practically her job to notice things. And they were a team, after all. They were supposed to share these sorts of things. Except, Tony was never much of a team player. The only team that mattered to him was himself and Loki. Everyone else would have to wait.


	4. Chapter 4

When Tony woke up, Loki was still asleep. He contemplated slipping out of Loki's sleepy embrace since he hated lying around not doing anything, but decided against it. He didn't want Loki to wake up alone. It's not that Loki wasn't used to it, but this was, so to speak, a special occasion.  
Tony watched his lover sleep, slowly tracing patterns on Loki's skin. The gears of his genius head were spinning, spinning, spinning, trying to figure out how he could fix this situation. There was little he could do to protect Loki from what was inside his own mind. It was a beautiful mind, filled with centuries of knowledge and experience. Not all of it good.  
For a brief moment Tony even considered turning to Thor for assistance, or at least for information, but he discarded that idea almost as soon as it slipped into his mind. Even if it were to ultimately be helpful, in the end, it would upset and anger Loki, and he could even possibly see it as betrayal. Whether that sibling rivalry was justified, and whoever was in the wrong, Tony had no intention of splashing fuel over that particular fire. If it mattered to Loki, it mattered, and Tony knew better than to help him by going behind his back and possibly making things worse.  
When Loki finally woke up, the first thing he did was tighten the embrace, and Tony mentally thanked himself for making the right choice and staying in bed.  
“Pancakes?” Tony whispered.  
“I want to shower first.”  
“Okay.”  
They showered. Then Tony placed an order with the cooks.  
“I'm so glad I didn't entirely bankrupt you while I was king.” Loki mused as he fed holographic seeds to Luci.  
“You sort of did.”  
“I just took your money and resources away from you, but I didn't squander or liquidate it. All I had to do was give it back to you, and you're rich again.” He shook holographic poop off Tony's tablet and tried not to laugh at Tony's expression of disgruntled surrender. “What would we do if we didn't have a full staff of cooks ready to cater to our every culinary whim at all hours of day and night?”  
“I imagine we'd have to learn to cook.”  
“That would be disastrous.”  
“Hey, we're both geniuses. We'd figure it out.”  
“How very arrogantly optimistic of you.”  
“That's my whole personality in 2 words.”  
Loki smiled and gave in to the urge to kiss Tony. As they kissed, Luci landed next to them on the table and made a noise.  
“I think she's jealous.” Loki whispered against Tony's lips.  
“Too bad, you're mine.”

The rest of the day went with a sort of sensation of the sword of Damocles hanging over everything. What happened the day before needed to be addressed, but Tony didn't want to push, and Loki didn't want to face it.  
Loki studied blueprints of the building that was slightly damaged by the battle droid. There was no significant destruction, but a few apartments were missing walls, and it would take weeks to fix without magical assistance.  
As Loki was heading out to take care of the repairs, Tony followed.  
“Mind if I tag along?”  
“You don't need to chaperone, Tony, no one's trying to kill me anymore. Usually.”  
“Usually.” Tony tried to read Loki's emotions, but it wasn't easy. This was the god of trickery after all. He could hide his emotions pretty damn well if he wanted to. “I can go without the suit, just to keep you company.”  
Loki chucked.  
“That might end up like that photo-op Widow was talking about. 'Tony Stark helps repair a damaged building'.”  
“I can stay in the car.”  
It was getting ridiculous. Like a child begging to go along on a trip. Loki knew that at this point Tony wasn't worried about him getting attacked, but there was clearly a lot of unease when it came to his emotional state. It was both very touching and at least moderately distressing. Loki didn't want to be so vulnerable that his partner had to worry about him going out alone, and yet it felt intoxicating to be cared for. Loki's life started in abandonment and continued with limited affections of a royal household, in the shadows of the favored child. For a long time he simply didn't know anything else, then for a while he felt wronged, filled with anger and frustration. Now finally, he was beginning to cautiously accept that there was someone beside him that cared about him above all else. Even above that electrical car that was still sitting half-assembled on the 3rd R&D floor.  
“Okay, fine, you can come.” Loki barely even pretended like he wasn't glad to have Tony with him. “But you're getting me a bagel on the way home.”  
“Deal.” 

They drove to the location in one of Tony's fancy cars. Loki looked out the window, far more quiet and contemplative than his usual self. To the point where Tony began wondering if something was wrong.  
“You could take a day off, you know.” Tony suggested. “You don't have to do this today.”  
“There are people without a home right now, because that droid took out a wall from their apartments.”  
“There is always someone without a home, that doesn't mean you don't deserve a break when you need it.”  
“I'm fine.”  
“I'm not saying you're not--”  
“Aren't you?”  
“Loki.” Tony paused, knowing this could turn into an unnecessary fight if they allowed things to spin out of control. “Whatever you want to do, I'll roll with it. I'm just saying that if you feel like you would rather be in bed, then maybe you should be.”  
Loki was silent for a few minutes before speaking again.  
“I want to fix those buildings,” he said quietly. “I want to be useful.”  
“Okay. Sure.”  
It all went well enough. Loki fixed the building. He smiled and nodded as people thanked him. He accepted hugs without a word. He said nothing when some guy yelled that he deserved no gratitude since the building wouldn't need fixing if the Avengers didn't damage it in the first place. He stood back and watched silently as Tony educated the guy on the fact that the droid that damaged the building was not their making, and had they not stopped it, there wouldn't even be a building to fix anymore. He was quiet on the way home. He forgot about the bagel.  
They came home, they showered, they ate. Tony stayed by Loki's side. Like a warm shadow. Usually by now he would have been in one of his labs, tinkering with some new invention or building yet another suit. Instead he remained beside Loki, guarding him from invisible threats.  
As they crawled into bed, Loki turned to face Tony, and time seemed to stop.  
“Okay, let's do it.” His gaze dropped against his will and he stared at the pattern on the blanket.  
“Do what?”  
Loki took a deep breath and let it out, his heart heavy as if he were about to walk into a war.  
“Let's talk.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Are you sure?” Tony carefully picked up Loki's left hand with his right and wove their fingers together. Loki stared at their hands.  
“I thought I could power through. I have before.” He kept his gaze on their entwined digits, using them as an anchor. “But I keep having these...flashes. Memories coming back, and I don't know how to push them away.”  
Tony squeezed Loki's hand tighter.  
“Do you want to get professional help?”  
“No. I can barely say this to you, I doubt I could ever spill it to a complete stranger who's only there because they're paid to be.” Loki sighed. He didn't mean to be rude or dismissive of Tony's suggestion, but the thought of admitting his weakness to a random third party seemed like a nightmare. “I just...I want to fix this, but I don't know how.”  
“I don't think this is something that can be fixed. It can only be managed.”  
“Not very optimistic of you.”  
“The point is it _can_ be managed. And I'll help you. If you let me.”  
They were now both staring at their joined hands, feeling awkward and uncertain. Tony didn't really know if it could be managed or not, but he wanted to believe it could. Loki was horrified. It took him a long time to be accepted by the Avengers. He was finally useful, good, making up for what he'd done to the Earth. But now this...whatever was happening to him, it made him a liability. Pathetic, pointless. He didn't even notice as a tear rolled down his cheek.  
Tony lunged forward, wrapped his arms around Loki and held on as hard as he could.  
“I'm sorry.” Loki's voice was barely audible.  
“No. You have nothing to be sorry for. You're not at fault. You may have done some bad stuff in the past, but what's happening to you now is not your fault, you're doing nothing wrong.”  
“But I have. I've done so many horrible things. This is punishment, I deserve this.”  
“No. No, you don't.”  
“I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” Loki couldn't help repeating his apology, unable to stop, feeling as if it needed to be said, even as Tony kept telling him it wasn't needed.  
“Loki, listen to me.” Tony guided Loki to lie down on his side. They lay facing each other, Tony ran his fingers through Loki's hair. “What you're experiencing now, it affects the best people in the Universe. Heroes that win battles that save millions of lives. Firefighters, police officers, soldiers. Victims of assault and abuse, accidents, natural disasters. It just happens. It's not punishment and it's not karma. It's just a reaction to an event.” He wiped a tear off Loki's face. “Remember last month we were fighting that wacko with a giant plasma gun? He launched that blast at me and half my suit just fell apart. I was exposed, I thought he was gonna kill me.”  
“Are you planning to tell me that I'm a hero for saving you and therefore don't deserve punishment?”  
“No. What I'm planning to say is that it wasn't my suit's fault that it fell apart. A powerful attack occurred, and it caused a wonderfully-designed, strong, robust armor that had saved me and others time and time again to crumble to pieces. There was no fault, there was just cause and effect.”  
“You're comparing me to a metal suit?”  
“I'm comparing you to the thing that allows me to be a hero...or whatever. And yes, you're not a heap of metal, but the point still stands. Someone else damaged that suit. And what's happening to you is happening because someone attacked you. Someone has hurt you enough to fracture something in your mind. It's not your fault.”  
“Wouldn't it be my fault if I attacked them first?”  
“Did you?”  
And again Loki found it difficult to meet Tony's gaze.  
“No. This was before. Before Midgard, before everything.”  
“What happened?”  
“I was...lost. Angry, without purpose. I fell from Asgard, and I fully expected to die. But I didn't. Instead...they took me in.”  
“They?”  
“Thanos. And The Other. And whoever else was there. They...” Loki swallowed hard. The air seemed thicker. Every word was difficult to say. “They...did things to me.”  
Tony felt blood rushing away from his face. He expected this, but he still wasn't prepared.  
“They tortured you?” Tony watched Loki's face and it broke his heart. “With fire.”  
Loki curled up on himself, hugging a pillow and hiding his face in it. Tony waited, unsure of what he was supposed to do. When Loki reemerged from his cocoon, his face was red and wet with tears.  
“I didn't really want to take over a planet. Not really. I only ever wanted to be the king of Asgard because I wanted the All-Father to see me as Thor's equal. To be willing to give me the throne. But I didn't crave a kingdom.” He hugged his pillow so tight it almost ripped at the seams. “But they did something to me. They gave me that scepter. It warped my mind somehow...it cause parts of me to fade, and others to burn brighter. It's like it turned me into a different version of myself. An evil megalomaniac that wanted nothing more than to conquer and rule. They molded me into their own personal monster, to do their bidding.”  
“But then you gave them the Tesseract, the power of the scepter faded away, and your despotic tendencies went with it.” Tony stared at Loki in disbelief. “Why did you never tell me this? Why did you never tell anyone?”  
“Who would believe me? It sounds like a really pathetic excuse. 'I didn't mean to ruin your world, a big bad guy in the sky made me'?”  
“Works for religious fanatics.”  
Loki half-smiled.  
“It's not all their fault. They had to build on something. They used my anger and bitterness. They might have made me a more evil version of me, but it was still m--”  
“Bullshit. You can turn the kindest person into a monster if you hurt them long enough. They didn't amplify your natural evil. They broke you and reassembled you into what they needed for their goals. Now you're trying to put yourself back together and it hurts like hell.”  
Loki moved closer to Tony so that they were nose-to-nose, their legs entwined.  
“I'm not sure I believe that.”  
“I do.” Tony rubbed Loki's arm. “You are not the best person in the world, that's for sure. Yes, you've done some bad stuff. You're not the most selfless of beings and you have issues galore. But you're not evil. You were just pushed into that role so many times you started believing that's what you are.”  
“Even so. None of this cancels all the terrible things I've done.”  
“No, it doesn't. But don't carry around more blame than you deserve.” He embraced Loki and kissed him on the side of his head. “You should have told me sooner.”  
“I was trying to suppress it. I never intended to let these memories take over me. Besides, I didn't want you to have to deal with all this.”  
“This is what relationships are for, Loki. So we can share the weight.”


	6. Chapter 6

Black Widow and Hawkeye were sitting on the couch in the Avengers' shared area. Tony offered them drinks.  
“What's this about, Stark?” Clint huffed. “I have places to be.”  
“Weaving a new nest, are we?”  
“I'm training a protege.”  
“Seriously? Another one of you? That's--”  
“Tony,” Natasha interrupted, “why did you call us?”  
Tony poured himself a drink and sat opposite from his teammates.  
“You've noticed the other day that something was wrong with Loki.”  
“Yes.” Widow leaned forward.  
“Well, something is.”  
“Oh, great.” Hawkeye rolled his eyes with all the sardonic annoyance he could muster.  
“Shut the fuck up, Barton.” Tony shot him a look so genuinely angry that Clint couldn't help but keep quiet. Tony gathered his thoughts and courage. “He has PTSD, or...whatever the Asgardian version of it is.” He watched the mildly confused, questioning looks on his teammates' faces. “It's from before he came to Earth. Some...stuff happened to him, and now it's coming back. It's...ugh.” Tony sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Listen, he tried really hard to prove himself to the team, alright? And it was even harder for him to admit that he has a problem, so cut him some slack.”  
“Why are you the one telling us all this?” Widow put down her glass, clearly not interested in its contents.  
“Same reason it took him so long to tell me about it in the first place. He didn't think anyone would believe him.” Tony watched Clint's face for signs of more sarcasm, but it was hard to tell what the archer was thinking; he just looked mildly pissed off, which was pretty much his default facial expression. “I don't care if you believe him or not – believe me.” He downed his drink. “He's willing to leave the team if he's too much of a liability, but I'm afraid it would just make things worse for him. So, if you would just be willing to keep his problem in mind and adjust, I would owe you a personal favor.”  
“Why isn't Thor here?” Clint asked. “Does he know already?”  
“No. But...Thor's his brother, I think they should sort it our separately. Besides, I don't expect much understanding from Blondie. If he tells me something dumb like 'he should face his ailments in glorious battle', I'll just want to rip his fucking head off.”  
Widow smiled sadly. Clint remained glum and unreadable.  
Tony left them to discuss the new information, hoping that new threats for the Avengers to handle wouldn't arise for at least some time. Preferably ever.  
He went home to be greeted by Loki who looked at him nervously, with something between hope and terror in his eyes.  
“What did they say?”  
“Not much. But I think they get it. They both have some dark patches in their past, I think they can relate.” He came up to Loki and hugged him. Tony never was much of a hugger, but after reading about the positive effects that hugs had on health, he decided to give Loki as many as he could. There was little else he could do, and this made him feel like maybe he was helping. “I have to go to a meeting in DC, will you be okay on your own?”  
Loki huffed.  
“I'm not a child, nor an invalid. I think I can take care of myself for a day.”  
“I know. I was just hoping you'd say you needed me so I'd have an excuse not to go.” He smiled as the chuckle in Loki's chest vibrated through his own body. “I miss Pepper. It was so much easier when she ran my stupid company.”  
“People like Pepper need to be shared with the world. She fixed your stupid company, now let her fix your stupid country.”  
“It's your stupid country too now.”  
Loki let out a sound of unidentifiable meaning. He was granted asylum after an ambassador testified that upon returning to Asgard, Loki would most likely be put to death for his crimes. Loki was not used to the idea of countries and nations, thinking in broader terms – planets and realms. But he couldn't help appreciating the fact he was probably in the only place in the world that was willing to give shelter to someone who once violently usurped the very planet of which it was part. He would have seen it as a sign of weakness and stupidity, something that could be easily exploited, if not for the fact that it was saving his very life. One way or another, Loki was rejected by every world and family he had been a part of. This was the first one that took him in willingly, even though this time, rejection would have truly been deserved. Devotion to a cause or government were never something Loki particularly cared for, he valued himself above all else. But he was also not above acknowledging that he owed his life to someone or something. Nor would he ever forget such a debt.  
“In that case, I'm glad it has such a good leader.”  
“Yeah.” Tony finally had to break the hug. “If only that didn't mean I had to run my own stupid company again.” He kissed Loki and sighed miserably as their lips parted. “Alright, I'll see you in about 9 hours.”  
As Tony exited, Loki looked at the empty room around him, and hoped that his assessment of his own ability to take care of himself was actually true.


	7. Chapter 7

As Loki settled on the couch with a book on world history, the doorbell rang through the speakers.  
“Mr Barton is at the door, sir.”  
“Thank you, JARVIS.” Loki took a deep breath, bracing himself for the confrontation, and opened the front door. “Mr Barton. To what do I owe the pleasure?” He motioned for Clint to come inside.  
“Tony told us about your PTSD.”  
“Come to gloat, have you?” Despite the bitter phrasing, Loki sounded far more vulnerable and guilty than he would've wanted. After what he'd done to Hawkeye, Loki really couldn't blame the man for relishing his pain.  
“You'd think so, but not really.” Clint took a seat at bar. “Do you have soda or something?”  
Loki dug through the fridge and offered a few different drink options to Clint.  
“Ice?”  
“No, thanks, I'm good.” Clint sipped his soda. He would have preferred beer, but it was still early in the day and he wanted to stay sharp. “I know this is none of my business, this...issue of yours. But Tony seemed pretty messed up about it, and that man makes a point to look calm and superior, no matter what. So this must be pretty big.”  
“As I've requested to be made clear, I am willing to resign from the team should my handicap cause my presence to be too much trouble.”  
“Yeah, yeah, I got that. There's just...” Clint put his drink down and concentrated all his attention on Loki. “There's something that's been bugging me for a long time. I thought this was part of your...shape-shifting shtick or whatever, but now I'm starting to think there's more to it. Your eyes.” He watched as Loki's confusion was replaced with a fearful realization. “When you enslaved me and Selvig with that glowing stick of yours, our eyes turned blue. Now, my brain was all screwed up at the time, but I remember – your eyes were blue too. But now they're green. I always wondered if that meant anything, and now I'm guessing, maybe it does.” Clint watched as Loki lowered his gaze, breathing slowly, trying to control his own nerves. “That scepter – it was controlling you too, wasn't it?”  
“It doesn't matter.”  
“Of course it does.”  
“No, Mr Barton, it does not.” Loki finally met Barton's gaze. “As you have accurately mentioned, you were enslaved. Your mind was taken over completely. Mine was simply altered fractionally. You are not to be blamed for what you did under the scepter's powers. I am.”  
“Nah, see? I've told myself that for a long time too. But that's not entirely true, is it? That thing boosted our tiny bits of villainy, but it had to boost something. Because deep down, there was something about all that that we all enjoyed. I loved the fight, the sense of unquestionable purpose, going toward a goal without caring about limits or body counts. Selvig loved having his mind expanded, discovering whatever the cube had to offer. There was something inside us that the scepter exploited, but it took away our free will. Our ability to decide not to do something because it's wrong. That is why we are not to be blamed for what we did then.”  
“You never would have done any of those things if I hadn't shown up on your planet with a megalomaniacal wish to be king.”  
“And you never would have done that if someone hadn't jacked up your own head first.”  
Loki shook his head in denial.  
“Why are you saying this to me? You have no reason to wish to justify my misdoings.”  
“It's not about wishes. I just know that not all evil we've done is our fault. If you don't learn to let go of the blame you don't deserve, you'll crack up. And I hate the fact that I've spent so much time despising you for something that wasn't even your fault.” He put up his hand as Loki was about to protest. “I'm not giving you a free pass here or anything. Don't get me wrong, you still did plenty of terrible shit that will take a long time to make up for. But I think I get you better now. I never really understood how someone could take over a planet and then give it up and surrender himself to the judgment of the people he's wronged. I always thought it was some sort of scheme. But...now, I think I get it. And for what it's worth, I'm glad to know you're not as evil as I thought you were.”  
Loki looked at Clint, unsure of how to respond to all of that.  
“Thank you.”  
Clint nodded, finished his drink and headed for the exit. As the doors slid open, he turned around to say one last thing to Loki before leaving.  
“Remember the first thing you said to me? Right before you stole my mind with that scepter. Do you remember what you said? I'll never forget it. You said – 'you have heart'. I think about it a lot. The scepter needed a heart to take over. And I don't think it just means an organ, a living creature rather than a machine. I think it needed its mark to have hopes, dreams, desires. Something it could exploit. The scepter could only enslave me because I have a heart.” He shrugged. “So do you.”


	8. Chapter 8

Tony was sitting up in bed with a tablet in his hands. He was going through the information his bug had stolen from SHIELD. He'd almost forgotten about it, too distracted by a myriad of other projects he had going on. But right now Loki was asleep, and Tony didn't want to leave him. Instead he occupied himself with some good old data consumption.  
“That doesn't seem right.” Tony whispered at the screen.  
“What doesn't?” Loki shuffled closer to see what Tony was looking at.  
“Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.”  
“No, it's fine. What doesn't seem right?”  
“That battle droid we took down for SHIELD.” Tony tilted the screen to give Loki a better view of a little red dot that flashed on the scan of the droid's head. “That shouldn't be there. It emits a disruption signal. That's what made the droid go Shawshank Redemption.”  
“Someone compromised that droid?”  
“Yeah, but that thing was designed by SHIELD. Before running off, it'd never left their facility. Someone inside SHIELD placed that bug in there.”  
“SHIELD has a mole.”  
“I'm gonna mail this to Hill.”  
“Not Fury?”  
“I don't trust Fury. He's shady.”  
“They're a spy agency. Aren't they all shady?”  
“Fair point. But...Hill's more straightforward. If she sees that something's wrong, she'll act. Fury might just sit on the information and see how to best play that card. And meanwhile more malfunctioning droids will hop around NYC, taking out people's apartment walls.”  
Loki snaked his arms around Tony once his tablet was out of the way.  
“I'm surprised you're here. That electrical car of yours is still half-built, and weren't you making a remote-control suit or some such?”  
“Right.” Tony smiled. “You were just so obnoxiously gorgeous, I didn't want to leave.” He gave Loki a chaste kiss. “Besides...I've been watching your sleeping patterns. You sleep better when I'm here. You mostly have nightmares when you're sleeping alone.”  
Loki's eyes turned sad and doubtful. He freed himself from Tony's embrace.  
“You shouldn't do this.”  
“Do what? Watch your sleeping patterns? I didn't think that was--”  
“No, no, that's...fine. I mean, you shouldn't turn your life upside down for me.”  
“I'm pretty sure we left that sign a couple of thousand miles back.”  
“I mean...your projects, your inventions. That's what you do, that's who you are. I don't want you to give it up for me.”  
“I'm not giving anything up. I'm just adjusting my schedule. If I can't even do that, I'm a really shitty boyfriend.”  
“Well, I don't want you to have to do that. If you get inspired to go build something at 3am, you should. I don't want to be the guy that prevents you from inventing Midgard's next energy source because I have nightmares.” A sigh escaped his chest against his will. “And I don't want you to resent me when you realize one day that you've been altering yourself for my comfort.”  
Tony rolled his eyes.  
“Right...I'll think about it.” He nudged Loki into a more comfortable cuddling position.  
“Tony, if you're rather be doing something else right now...”  
“No, trust me. There's really nothing else I'd rather--” He was cut off by a ring of their intercom. “Well, someone's ruining a really fluffy moment here. JARVIS, what is this about?”  
“Ms Romanoff has requested you be summoned to the briefing room, sir.” JARVIS paused to allow Tony and Loki to groan in unison. “Immediately.” 

“Sorry to drag you all out of bed.” Widow greeted her teammates as they all gathered around the conference table. “But we have a situation.” She activated the holographic projectors. “That AIM prototype apparently had siblings. Two smaller models were unleashed onto civilians today. One was taken down by the local police force. The other was dismantled by a superpowered civilian.” Videos of the robots from bystander cell phone cameras were playing on the wall screens. “But not before they killed 3 people and injured another 5. And this is where the weird part begins.” She dimmed all the screens but one.  
On the remaining screen was a video of a gigantic floating head with tiny limbs and some big guns.  
“What the fuck is that?” Clint accurately voiced everyone's thoughts.  
“M.O.D.O.K., right?” Stark took a guess. “I've heard about this guy. AIM mutated one of their scientists and this thing was the result.”  
“Is it...human?” Thor asked.  
“Part human, part calculator.” Tony explained. “What does he want?”  
Widow played the video. M.O.D.O.K. was making some grand demands about government retirements, total surrender and eventual world domination.  
Loki rolled his eyes.  
“He's insane, and not nearly as dangerous as he claims.” Widow turned off the screen. “But he does have a factory that makes those robots. And he can send more of them out against civilians. SHIELD supplied intel – we know where the factory is. We need to go in and destroy the robots and whatever equipment they have.”  
“Why can't SHIELD do it?” Clint complained.  
“Because if the robots are activated, a few agents with guns, no matter how well-trained, simply will not survive a battle against them.” She gave her team a reassuring smile. “We have slightly better chances.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Everyone clear on how this works?” Widow was preparing her team for the mission. “Alright, Stark – you take the roof. Thor and Hawkeye, you go inside the facility and take care of the robots. Loki, you're with me.”  
Once they approached the facility, they crept like thieves in the night. Tony used his stealth suit, quiet and hard to spot. He landed on the roof, noticing 3 guards, but staying out of their way for now. No need to start a battle sooner than necessary.  
Clint and Thor went inside the building on one side, Natasha and Loki entered on the other. They hoped the intel was solid, or else they could be walking into the belly of the beast with no idea of what they were doing.  
There were 2 guards outside the surveillance room. Natasha got her shockers out.  
“No, wait.” Loki whispered. “Someone's coming out. We can slip in. If the guards check in with each other, it's better to leave them conscious and oblivious.”  
“Well, obviously, but how do you propose we do that?”  
“I can conceal us.” Loki's hands lit up with magical energy. “Just stay within 3 feet of me.”  
A lady in a yellow suit exited the room.  
“I need coffee, back in a few.” She went down the hallway, as Loki and Natasha used the momentarily open door to slip inside the room.  
“You might have to taze her when she comes back though.” Loki deactivated the invisibility spell and approached the surveillance screens. “What exactly are we looking for?”  
“There has to be a control room. We need to get any data we can before destroying their equipment.” Widow returned to the door as she heard the footsteps of the surveillance guard coming back. As she entered, Widow shocked her with one of her stingers and gently lowered her onto the floor, hoping the guards outside didn't hear anything. “They might have other facilities, other plans. The more intel we gather, the better. If all else fails, your brother can just smash everything to pieces, but it's better to take out the control systems first, in case the robots have some sort of remote activation system.”  
Loki smirked.  
“Poor Thor. He must be really out of his element – creeping about like a spy instead of hammering everything to smithereens.”  
“There.” Widow pointed to one of the surveillance screens. “That's the control room.” She pulled out one of the miniature holographic data holders that Stark had supplied for the whole team. A projection of the building plan lit up the room. “I can get there through ventilation.” She found the air duct and carefully, quietly moved a table to give herself ease of access. “You stay here, watch everyone. Let us know if something's amiss.”  
“Wait.” Loki reached into an inside pocket and produced a small gem. He charged it with energy and gave it to Natasha. “If the need arises, squeeze it in your hand until it glows. It'll make you invisible for about 3 minutes.”  
“Thanks. You should make more of these.”  
“The charge drains within a few hours.”  
“I see.” She looked at Loki with a solemn expression. “I hope it doesn't come to that, but if we have to fight the robots and you feel overwhelmed – retreat. Run, hide, whatever you have to do. Understood?”  
“Yes.” Loki lowered his eyes. “I understand. We can't risk failing the mission because of my issues.”  
She looked at him as though he'd said something unfathomably stupid and at least mildly insulting.  
“We can't risk losing you.”  
She stepped onto the table and pulled herself up into the air duct with apparent ease. Within seconds she was gone, leaving Loki to watch the surveillance screens and hope all goes according to plan.

Meanwhile, Thor and Clint were in a room full of machinery, surrounded by deactivated robots, each one the size of a tank.  
“Shouldn't Stark be here?” Thor said under his breath, though even his whisper was almost unacceptably loud. “He is the expert on machinery.”  
“We needed someone on the roof, and he can fly.”  
“I can fly as well.”  
“Not without half the city knowing about it.”  
“Are you implying I lack stealth?”  
“I'm not implying, I'm saying openly.”  
“Boys,” Tony's voice in the coms interrupted them. “Save the lovers' quarrel for the afterparty. The guards from the roof just went downstairs. I'm guessing they're doing rounds. So you better keep quiet and find a cozy shadow to hide in.”  
Mere minutes later, the guards walked past Thor and Clint, who hid themselves behind the enormous robots. Thor was wearing a darker version of his armor, sans cape, but the robots were so big, he would have easily fit behind one of them even in his usual outfit.  
“Clint, Thor,” Black Widow whispered through the coms. “How far along are you?”  
“Half done, as far as I can tell.” Clint reported.  
“Good. I'm in the control room.”  
“Widow, wait.” Loki warned. “He's here.”  
“Who's here?” Natasha whispered, hiding in a dark corner by instinct.  
“The giant-head.”  
“M.O.D.O.K.? Where?” Natasha asked just as the lights around her went on and the factory came to life. “Nevermind. I see him.”


	10. Chapter 10

“How the hell did he get here?” Widow whispered.  
“I think he has a teleportation device. He appeared on one of those glowing pads about 3 minutes ago.” Loki reported.  
“Let's see what he's up to.” Widow climbed up onto the rafters and stayed hidden, a few of M.O.D.O.K.'s followers came in to report.  
“Sir,” a young man approached the boss, clutching a rifle and slightly lowering his head. “The government has not responded to our demands.”  
“Then we shall deliver on our promises.” M.O.D.O.K. moved toward the control panels.  
“Shit,” Clint's voice invaded the coms, “we're not done yet. He can't activate these robots.”  
“There are 5 minions here now,” Natasha whispered, “I need a distraction so I can get to the control panels.”  
“Hey!” A cheerful voice made everyone turn their heads. Loki was standing on a teleporter pad. “M.O.D.O.K., right?” He stepped slowly off the glowing circle while the yellow-suited minions all pointed their guns at him. “Love what you've done with the place.”  
“Identify yourself.” The giant-head's voice sounded monotonous and slightly robotic.  
“Ah!” Loki looked overdramatically shocked. “You don't recognize me? I'm hurt.” He straightened out and took on an air of dignified superiority. “I am Loki. And if you paid a bit more attention, you would have recognized me as the former leader of this planet.”  
The minions looked nervous. M.O.D.O.K. floated a little closer to Loki.  
“You surrendered your power and joined the Avengers.”  
“Oh, no, no.” Loki bared his teeth in an angry smirk. “The Avengers imprisoned me. I had to give up my throne if I wanted to stay alive. Joining their pathetic little vigilante team was my only alternative to eternal imprisonment. But I never lost hope to regain my kingdom.”  
“You are in consort with Iron Man.”  
“Ah, yes.” Loki rolled his eyes in utter annoyance. “I believed someday he would be able to take over Midgard with his technological inventions. But all he does is make clean energy and suits to protect the ungrateful mortals. So much potential wasted on protecting the planet when he could be ruling it.” Loki crossed his arms behind his back and smiled cunningly. “Now, you on the other hand... You are moving in the right direction.”  
“You wish to align yourself with AIM?”  
“AIM? No. I don't care for organizations. I care about leaders. Like you. Someday you will take over this sorry planet, and I wish to be on your side when that happens.”  
“How do I know you will not betray me?”  
Loki shrugged with a smile.  
“You don't.”  
Meanwhile, Black Widow moved carefully and quietly, like a spider, to the point right above the control panels. She only needed a few minutes to copy the information from the computers and upload the virus that would take out the factory's systems. But M.O.D.O.K. and his people were mere feet away. It was impossible to complete the task without being noticed.  
Unless, of course, you had an invisibility gem.  
She lit up the little crystal and lowered herself quietly right behind the oblivious enemies. She located the files that looked useful and copied them, before incapacitating the control systems and jumping over the panels to hide from M.O.D.O.K.'s fury as he realized that his factory's brain center was being destroyed from the inside.  
The minions aimed their guns in various directions in a futile attempt to shoot whomever was responsible, but Widow was already out of the room.  
“Eliminate him!” M.O.D.O.K. yelled, pointing at Loki, but the bullets went unimpeded through an illusion that grinned and disappeared into thin air. At the same time, small explosive devices that Loki had left on the teleporter pads went off, destroying M.O.D.O.K.'s escape route. “The inferiors have defied us! They will be punished.”  
M.O.D.O.K. detached a small controller from his own suit and activated the protocol that woke up the completed robots. Dozens of gigantic metal beasts lit up and straightened out, ready for action. Raising their guns, looking for targets, and...deactivating again.  
“Like a charm.” Tony smiled as the devices that Thor and Clint had placed on the robots did their job perfectly, emitting a disruption signal that took out the metal giants before they could take a single step.  
The rest was a rather straightforward fight. Thor finally got a chance to punch and smash as a few smaller security robots activated and attacked the heroes. M.O.D.O.K. headed for the roof where another teleporter pad was waiting, but he was met by Iron Man and Black Widow before he even reached it.  
The team met up on the roof to wait for the ambulances and containment teams.  
Thor slapped Loki happily on the back.  
“For a second I believed you had betrayed us, Brother.”  
“Did you now?”  
“Deceit has always been your greatest talent.” Thor's tone was lighthearted, and Loki tried with all his will not to react, reminding himself that Thor was often oblivious to how much his words could hurt.  
“It takes all kinds.” Clint said, removing a trip-wire arrow from the nearby wall and putting it back in his holster. “I'd much rather hear him spin a tale than have to fight 15 fire-breathing megabots.”  
“We would defeat them with ease!” Thor rumbled joyfully.  
“Right.” Tony was grateful for the arrival of the clean-up crew, as this conversation was starting to make him want to punch Thor in the face. “Let's take brain-in-a-can to Riker's, shall we?”


	11. Chapter 11

“Everyone misses you.” Natasha sipped her drink on the couch in one of the private rooms in the White House. “Especially when they need a shield. Or a shoulder to cry on.”  
“I miss you too, guys.” Pepper slipped out of her shoes and sat more comfortably on the couch.  
“You know you're always welcome to join us for a mission. Imagine the publicity. 'The President of the United States prevents collapse of a building'.”  
“I think that's a bit much.”  
“Probably. You still have the suit though, right?”  
“Yeah. I use it sometimes to talk to JARVIS. He keeps me updated.”  
“You're gossiping about us with Tony's assistant?”  
“Basically.” Pepper sighed at the necessity to talk business. “Listen, I need you to do me a work-related favor.”  
“Name it.”  
“I need you to keep an eye on SHIELD. Tony hacked them recently and found some alarming discrepancies. It appears that they have a mole. Or...several moles. I'm not sure who's to be trusted inside the organization itself. You have contacts. Think you could try and figure out what's going on?”  
“I'll see what I can do.”  
“Thank you.” Pepper downed her juice. “Are you guys doing okay? The team, I mean. I know Loki has some personal problems, plus I'm no help right now.”  
“We're alright. And if we weren't, it can't really be helped.”  
“Well. As it turns out, the world is filled with superpowered beings. Many of them wish to be heroes.”  
“Are you suggesting we hold auditions?”  
“Perhaps not. But a lot of those people want to use their powers for good, yet all they can do at this point is be untrained, unsupervised vigilantes. Which has about equal chances of being a life-saver or a disaster. I think we'd all be a little safer if at least a few of them operated under your lead.”  
“I need to discuss this with the rest of the team.”  
“Of course. Either way, don't feel pressured into accepting new recruits or anything. I'm just saying that if you ever feel you could use some extra help, there are plenty of capable individuals out there that wouldn't mind being an Avenger.”

***

Tony was on the couch in the living room, fiddling with some small piece of equipment. Loki was beside him, reading. It only took half an hour before his curiosity overpowered everything else.  
“What are you making?”  
“You're see.” Tony smiled cryptically.  
A few more minutes passed.  
“When?”  
Tony laughed.  
“Almost done. Get back to your book.”  
Loki flared his nostrils like a dragon, but complied nonetheless. He'd taken to reading history books. He had done so when he was king, but now he read each country's history books in the original languages, wanting to know what each nation thought of their own past. It was different now that he had no intention or pressure of ruling them. He was simply curious.  
“Humans are incredibly self-centered beings.”  
“Says the guy who calls himself a god.”  
The god ignored that statement.  
“Everyone thinks their role in every world event is the most important. Just about every country in the world thinks they really are the ones that won the world wars.”  
“Well, you know what they say. If you don't love yourself, no one else will.”  
“I hate myself sometimes, but you still love me.”  
“Yeah, well. It's what 'they say'. Doesn't mean it's true.” He put away his tools and turned to face Loki. “Done.”  
In his hand was a delicate metal frame of what looked like a small bird.  
“Is that..?”  
“Yep. Luci 2.0. Just need to outfit her with some material that's pleasant to the touch and upload Luci's personality into her memory chip.”  
Loki carefully took his pet's new body into his hands.  
“She looks so fragile.”  
“She's not. She's made from vibranium. One of the most robust metals in the world. Even if she falls off the roof of the Tower, she'll be fine. Probably.”  
“She's not gonna poop metal, is she?”  
“No, she'll still eat and poop holograms. Vibranium poop would cost a fortune.”  
“This is incredible.” Loki inspected the little bird from all sides. “I didn't even know you were making this.”  
“Well,” Tony shuffled closer to Loki to whisper into his ear. “I'm thinking of building a body for JARVIS at some point, if he wants it.”  
“Sir,” JARVIS's voice was unusually soft, “I feel I should inform you that...I heard that.”  
Loki and Tony chuckled.  
“What do you think?” The inventor asked.  
“I...have frankly never considered such a possibility, sir.”  
“Well, now you can. No pressure. But if you ever feel you might want that option – you have it.”  
“Thank you, sir.”  
“Alright,” Tony rose from the couch. “I'm gonna go work on that car.”  
“I think I need sleep.” Loki said with uncertainty. He didn't particularly want to sleep alone, but he'd made it clear that he didn't want Tony to twist his habits around to accommodate for him.  
“Actually, about that...” Tony entered the elevator. “Come with me.” They headed for one of the R&D floors. When the elevator doors slid open, Loki froze for a second. In the corner of the lab stood a spacious bed, covered in black sheets. Tony gave him a tour. “All the machinery is behind a bullet-proof, fire-proof, explosion-proof screen, so you'll be safe.” He lifted a small box from what appeared to be a bed-side table. In it were a couple of small earplugs. “In case it gets loud. Newest model. Comfortable. Almost completely absorb noise.”  
Loki was suddenly on the verge of tears. He embraced Tony and held him like he was the most precious creature in the Universe.  
“Thank you.”  
“It's just a bed.”  
“No, it's...more.” He felt almost overwhelmed by love and gratitude. “I don't deserve you.”  
“What? That's bullshit.”  
“You're so great to me. You're a hero. I'm just a semi-evil stray you picked up--”  
“Whoa, whoa, hold on. 'Semi-evil stray'? Really?”  
“I'm an usurper. A mass murderer. I don't deserve to be treated like a prince.”  
“I put a bed in a lab.”  
“You cared enough to do so. I don't deserve that kind of treatment. Especially not from someone like you.”  
Tony sighed.  
“You know, before this whole clean energy deal, I used to make weapons that killed millions of people. I quite possibly have more blood on my hands than you do.”  
“You didn't mean to--”  
“Neither did you.” Tony led Loki to the bed. “You know that thing Thor said. That for a second he thought you'd betrayed us. Well, I didn't. There wasn't even a momentary back thought anywhere in my mind that what you said to Canned Brains was anything but a diversion to stall for time. Not for a split second. Not even subconsciously.” He flicked a stray lock of hair out of Loki's face. “Yeah, you've done some pretty horrible shit in the past, but I happen to believe that people can change. If I didn't, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. So, whatever you think, whatever the rest of the world thinks, all I know is that I trust you implicitly and unquestionably. And that's a pretty big deal.” He kissed Loki and ran his fingers through the sorcerer’s hair. “Now go to sleep, I have a car to build.”  
Loki smiled, stripped, and slipped between the gorgeous black sheets.  
Tony took some tools and bits of future car and sat on a cushion, propping himself on the side of the bed. Loki watched him as he assembled something that would one day make the world a little bit better, until finally sleep took him into its welcoming arms.  
Tony listened to Loki's breathing, looking at him every few minutes to make sure he was okay, intent on chasing away any horrors that dared to invade his lover's dreams. But for now, Loki looked serene, his breathing was steady, and his sleep was calm, deep and peaceful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!   
> If anyone is interested, I'll start posting part 3 on Monday, October 27, if nothing prevents me from doing so.   
> [My Tumblr](http://faithsoprano.tumblr.com/), just in case.


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